There's so much to be thankful for.

School is back in session. The students have returned from their holiday travels. The campus of LCC International University is buzzing. Our calendars are filling up already with events, celebrations, meetings and other tasks. As I sit in my office, working on budget updates, discipline reports, and other important emails my mind can't help but drift off to the fabulous holiday we had away from the LCC campus. 

Josh and I had the tremendous privilege of having friends from the United States visit us from December 24 through December 30. Natalie and Bryan flew in on Christmas Eve and we set out to tour as much of Lithuania and Latvia as humanly possible in seven short days.

Although the journey was long (by kilometer), it was not tiresome. It's too bad that we couldn't travel like my friends The Muppets - by map. That would have made things much faster... Check out our journey!

Insert Mennonite inside joke here.

This tour took Josh and I from Klaipeda to Vilnius, from Vilnius to Riga Latvia, from Riga to Klaipeda, from Klaipeda back to Vilnius, from Vilnius to Moletai, from Moletai to Kaunus and from Kaunus back home to Klaipeda. That's 1,606 KM for those who keep track of such things. Praise God that the travel blessings flowed freely through our trip. It was not without it's hiccups, or shady bus situations, but we always felt warm and safe, but also a little bit like human ping pong balls (excuse me, Table Tennis balls - just in case Evan Oswald reads this). 

We bundled up and toured churches, took photos, stayed in fun hostels, ate a LOT (mostly cheese and dried meats), sampled local beers, pet dogs (using my Lithuanian language skills), and had an all around superb time. Here are some photos from our adventures!

Natalie delivered Christmas goodies - she knew just what I wanted!

On Christmas, we climbed the Vilnius "Pilis" and enjoyed a snowy day of sightseeing.

The holiday meal was followed by an evening of pub games at "Spunka," recommended by our Klaipedian friend Kipras.

Once we arrived in Klaipeda, Josh facilitated a "Concert for Friends" at Herkas Kantas - our favorite local pub. Friends Kel and Inga also performed.

"Let it snow, let it snow let it snow!" sings Josh!

After dropping Natalie and Bryan back off in Vilnius on December 30, we went to Moletai to ring in the New Year with our friend and student, Julija, and her family.This was a party to remember as we joined with Julija's Moletai church to celebrate the New Year with worship songs, bible quizzes, 2 meter long sparklers, home-made cepelinai (here's the process if you are brave enough) and a pet bunch of awesome cows on the dairy farm. A baby cow named Schumacher even licked me. The hospitality we experience in Moletai was unbelievable-- I think I am still full from all the delicious meals and tea. It was great.

A quick tour of Moletai before leaving for Klaipeda.

When our journey finally ended, and we were back in Klaipeda, we were greeted by several letters, Christmas cards, and two special packages. It is always a great pleasure to receive mail here in Lithuania. I am particularly touched by all the people that take time out of their busy lives "back home" to think of us while we serve abroad. I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting mail, so it's always a special surprise to see what arrives -- especially during the holiday season.  

Cards and letters from loved ones afar.

On the same day we got two packages! One from our Trinity Family and a package from my sister Alison and her husband Zach!

A beautiful letter, lovely scarf and other goodies from Alison.

Josh loves his Christmas Present!

That's right, more Cheez-Its from both Trinity and Ali. No, I can NEVER have too many of these.

We might be able to hang this stocking with care from the TOP of the chimney.

Thank you for all your thoughtful notes and kind words.

After all these grand travels, amazing visitors, lovely letters and surprise packages, it's easy to see that we have a lot to be grateful for. Entering into our next season at LCC, we now feel replenished, refreshed and rejuvenated to tackle the challenges ahead. Thank you for sending love and prayers from afar!

What do you say when you can't find the words?

It is with deep sadness I write to you all. There are certain things in life that are difficult to express; things so hard that words do not convey the matters of the heart. This is one of those occasions.

Josh and I suffered a second miscarriage last week. Last April when we experienced the first loss, it was traumatic, but we were reassured that “it's common” and “it happens more than you think” – both things are true, but not exactly comforting.

This time, however, it hit a bit harder. Losing a second baby somehow cuts deeper and causes me to ask unfair questions like, "What have I done wrong to deserve this?" or, "What have I done to make God angry?" or, even worse, think things like, "I wouldn't be a good mother anyway."

This loss makes me question many things, but I must trust that God has a plan and that I must defer to God’s hopes for us. To be honest, the thought of God’s promises doesn't always motivate me to get up off the couch, or provide relief from the constant ache of my muscles, or give a sense of calm during social situations when I simply want to sit down and disengage, but it does provide the release that NOT ALL THINGS ARE IN MY CONTROL.

You don’t have to know me well to know that I like order and prefer to do things "by the book." I’m a planner and a list-maker.

Through this process of loss, I have to accept that there are things that I cannot possibly manipulate to go my way. I must shamefully admit that my prayer life is terrible. Because of my controlling nature, I’m the last one to "give it up to God in prayer" but I must now lay it all down before the Lord and release these stresses and second-guesses, trusting that God has a plan.

I can find peace in knowing that I have hundreds of awesome “kids” already -- the students live on LCC’s campus. They are passionate and curious, seeking and learning and growing every day.

Never ceasing to amaze me, they have come around Josh and me though this difficult time offering their own kinds of support. The students and staff of this place show their care by dropping off a simple note of encouragement, a treat left at my office or in my mailbox, and even coming to our apartment to cook a meal. Let me publicly say thank you to those who have reached out with care, support, love and prayers. You have all helped us to begin walking the path of healing.

Flowers, cards, food, teddy bears and more flowers from dear friends at LCC.

Rest assured that we have not suffered through this process, in a foreign country, alone. Our dear friend Ilona Bertasiute has been our fearless guide, translator, appointment maker, compassionate advocate, supportive companion and all-around irreplaceable pal.

Ilona has come with us to every appointment and sat with Josh as I underwent surgery last week. Ilona's mother has even joined the case and assisted with requesting medical records from my last stay in the hospital. In these times of deep anxiety, when being "away from home" is most difficult, we realize where "home" truly is... here in Klaipeda surrounded by our new community who can hold us up when our own legs cannot. I thank God for Ilona's friendship.

I ask that you hold Josh and me in prayer as we pursue information regarding these failed pregnancies. I will have a follow-up visit with my OBGYN next week on Monday, December 8.

She is a lovely Lithuanian woman named Odeta who speaks English and works at the city’s fertility clinic. She is confident that we can find a solution and will again conceive as soon as my mind and body have healed.

Please pray for Josh and me, for Dr. Odeta and for God’s discernment as we enter into the next months of uncertainty.

I pray for hope and for the energy to survive the busy season ahead.

Lord Motherbear and Feral Christians

What if God was less like this:

And more like this:

A mother bear.

"But God is loving, nurturing, abundant in kindness, and slow to anger," you protest. 

If you consider Exodus 34 and God's interaction with the Israelites through the Hebrew Bible, you are absolutely right!

But mother bears can also look like this:

When the Genesis poem was shared thousands of years ago, the storyteller (verbal culture, right?) would tell the listeners about a God who made humankind in "His image" and "likeness." But imagine, for a moment, what that would mean to the ancient Hebrew people who were considerably less domesticated than we've allowed ourselves to become. (I mean, David killed a LION with a STONE. Crazy.)

So the God the ancient Hebrew people experienced could be described using words like "wild," "dangerous," and "unpredictable."

Like a mother bear.

If you don't believe me, take another look at the narrative told throughout the Hebrew Bible. You see an untamed God moving, not the Zeus-like deity many imagine today.

Christians like the idea of a domesticated God because that's much safer than the alternative: God is feral.

If you need more proof, step into creation. Many people have experiences while in the wild where they feel an unsurpassed closeness with God. That's probably why some people worship nature itself -- that's where they find God.

But it goes beyond that. Many Christians would say, "God is restoring us" and "God is restoring creation/nature." Consider, too, that God is also probably restoring us with nature.

The hard truth is, though, we cannot be restored with nature without changing. We literally build barriers and cages to keep nature out of our lives and at a safe distance. To move in the other direction, we need to recapture the full image of God into which we were made.

And that means allowing ourselves to become a bit more...feral.

Like a mother bear.

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Last week, a LCC student invited me to join her church's "kid's camp." I had no idea exactly what that meant but I enthusiastically said "yes" and traveled by train across the country.

Words cannot adequately describe my experience, so I made the following video to provide a glimpse of the camp.

I feel the video makes a case for moving in the direction of feral Christianity!

It was in such a circumstance that I felt a sense of Lithuania (beyond LCC) being "home" -- undeniably because of the wildness and hospitality of my new brothers and sisters in Molėtai.